Love and Marriage
February 28th 2008 08:01
Baby(ies) just arrived....
So what to do about the rest of it? Traditionally marriage meant a journey into the unknown world of relationships and living together with someone else. Of joint finances, sharing the toothpaste and managing whether the toilet seat should stay up or down (personally I don't care).
These days marriage is more a statement of "We've been here, done it already and now we're celebrating how far we've come.".
The newer approach seems wise in a day and age of 40% divorce rates. Divorce seems so popular these days that it's almost become a status symbol. Of course it's great that the taboo has gone from divorce leaving people in genuinely bad marriages an out. But it seems like there are so many little reasons to get divorced (and yes, even how your partner squeezes the toothpaste has been one).
So what about the kids?
Does marriage help you raise the kids and does it really make a difference?
Personally I don't think so. There seem to be more important things at heart here that are more influential over whether your baby has a good upbringing or not. They seem to be love and commitment.
Of course those should be the two main driving forces behind marriage too. But are they anymore?????
And of course, can't love and commitment exist without marriage?
So what to do about the rest of it? Traditionally marriage meant a journey into the unknown world of relationships and living together with someone else. Of joint finances, sharing the toothpaste and managing whether the toilet seat should stay up or down (personally I don't care).
These days marriage is more a statement of "We've been here, done it already and now we're celebrating how far we've come.".
The newer approach seems wise in a day and age of 40% divorce rates. Divorce seems so popular these days that it's almost become a status symbol. Of course it's great that the taboo has gone from divorce leaving people in genuinely bad marriages an out. But it seems like there are so many little reasons to get divorced (and yes, even how your partner squeezes the toothpaste has been one).
So what about the kids?
Does marriage help you raise the kids and does it really make a difference?
Personally I don't think so. There seem to be more important things at heart here that are more influential over whether your baby has a good upbringing or not. They seem to be love and commitment.
Of course those should be the two main driving forces behind marriage too. But are they anymore?????
And of course, can't love and commitment exist without marriage?
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Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I think you've nailed it. I absolutely agree with you.
Hope babycakes is well.
Michaelie
Comment by katyzzz
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Statistics on those living together and staying together are NOT good and exceed the marriage break up ones, but life is about much more than statistics could ever provide so matter what the arrangements I do hope they work well for everyone concerned.
And one does not have to be in a really bad marriage to decide to bring it to an end, just an unworkable one, for a variety of reasons.
But I think human nature is more the problem than whether people are married or remain unmarried and neither arrangement brings guarantees. I would like to see break ups occurring in more acceptable ways with the interests of children understood by both parties and quarrels between adults kept right where they belong, not for children to cope with.
But that's looking on the dark side and there is a bright side and you're obviously enjoying that very much at the moment.
Comment by Krystal
feelings
Comment by Sven Topp
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Yes a difference in views is acceptable
However, I'm wondering which bit you disagree with and why? Are you saying that Marriage offers something to children? If so then what? And what does it offer over a couple of single folks?
Personally I think the three predominant things in a bubs life that are important are :
Love, Consistency and Commitment
I don't think these are exclusive to marriage though certainly a good marriage should come with all three.
Comment by katyzzz
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Comment by Sven Topp
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Deafblind Dad
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Still I'd be interested to hear your view rather than to just say "I disagree". If only to see and look at someone else's experience/opinion.
I don't really think there is ever a right and wrong in this sense.
Comment by The wonderful Peter Yang
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Stuff the traditional values.
This is what I believe people these days should do.
1. meet somebody and start dating. Don't go on date with the intension of looking for a serious relationship, casual relationship or what ever. Just let it be.
2. if it work out move in together. If you knock up the girl. Relax, this is not the 19th century. You can just be boy friend and girl friend, who have kids and living together.
3. By the time you are ready for that stage, then you get married. There is no point rushing into marriage. After all, it is just a formality.
Comment by Sven Topp
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Yeah I'm all for the relaxed attitude and "do it in your own time".
Thanks for your comment